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LAUGHING IS BEST LIFE SAVER

Dear Postmaster,

I wish to share the enjoyed jokes with you.

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.  A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.  All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Hi-Tech Watch

A man is at Mumbai Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting thisfabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time and the guy replies:
- Sure, which country?
- How many countries have you got?
- All the countries in the world!-
 Wow! That’s a pretty cool watch you’ve got there.
- That’s nothing, this watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive  television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!
- Boy, that’s incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn’t consider selling it by any chance?
- Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for Rs.9000, if you want it, it’s yours.
The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his cheque book fast enough to hand over a check for Rs.9000.
The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him.
“Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch.” Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, “And here are the batteries.
Don’t Ignore the Kids
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.
- What took you so long, son? he asked.
- The man waited on everybody in the store before me but I got even.
- How?
The youngster explained happily:
-
I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting. It’s going to be fun at eight o’clock.
To be a manager



An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."




Employee Placement Method

Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

If they've left early, put them in Sales.

And if they're all bullying each other, they're Management material.

GIVING 103% AT WORK
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100% Here's to achieving 103%. Here's a little
math that might prove helpful in the future!
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
equals:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
But:
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
However:
B U L L * * * T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%



Mottos to work by
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment

(To be continued)


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